Resolutions? Maybe just some changes I feel I need to make…

Happy 2016 Everyone!  I had a good ringing in of the new year with my hubby J and my bestie A.  Lots of food and tv watching, laughs and trying to stay up til midnight.  I know I nodded off watching Ab Fab around 1130pm but made it up for the ball drop.  BTW Jenny McCarthy, we get it.  You love Donny….don’t make out with him on live TV for hours please.  Anyhoo, A thought it would be nice to get tattoos for the New Year to signify things we would hold important to us this following year.  J got a cadecus done that was styled to also look Celtic (he’s Irish and an EMT) and it looks really cool!  Maybe I can get something small that’s similar when I get my cognitive test done :-).   A got the chemical symbol for Oxytocin, the chemical component for love…the guy (named Guy!) did a great job on it and I hope she knows who loves her!  I got a mash up of 2 songs I like…  Three Little Birds by Bob Marley (and no I didn’t want to seem stereotypical white girl) and Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on from Jimmy Buffett done together.  The Bob Marley song reminds me that “every little thing is gonna be alright” and “Breathe in, breathe out, move on” has become my mantra at work because it can be downright overwhelming.  I felt having that altogether on me would remind me no matter what things will be ok and I just gotta breathe and move on.  birdies.jpg

This was just after it was taken so don’t mind the obnoxious red skin!

 

So here is my resolutions that I’m not calling resolutions so I won’t set myself up like I do every year:

  1.  Take better care of me.  This means mentally and also physically.  I had lost a lot of weight in the past and gained quite a bit back and I want to be able to be as proud of myself as I was before and be able to run and move better since I do (even now) participate in 5k events and obstacle runs.  Plus I’d just like to feel better overall and more confident.  I’m also going to continue with my therapist who has been a huge help to me since I started seeing her.
  2.   Stop letting myself be used.  I have been a doormat for years and that needs to stop.  It seems like when you’re just trying to be a good person or friend people start to really take advantage of that, and have no intention of returning a favor or being there for you when its your time.  I have narrowed down my circle of those I trust now with the help of my therapist because I know who is going to be there for me when the going gets tough.  I have had someone I called a friend attack myself and a best friend of mine who asked for a simple favor.  At this point even if she apologized it would never be the same and I can’t deal with that type of negativity!
  3.   Travel more.  I have traveled a lot along the east cost of the US but would like to go further.
  4.   Love more.  I feel like I am just constantly dumping on J and those closest to me the most.  Right now its so hard but I hope they know I love them and I appreciate them loving me despite the depression hitting its hardest.
  5.   I will find an amazing job that will value me for my skills and treat me like I deserve to be treated!  This past year with the buy out and not getting hired has been rough on me.  I think its secretly a blessing in disguise though since I worked for the company that’s buying the one I currently worked for and I don’t think it would be good for me mental-health wise.  There were reasons I left and I needed to reminded of them once the reality hit in that I wasn’t going to be brought along.
  6.   Have more time with J.  He gives up so much for me sometimes and loves me regardless how bad things get.  We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our marriage and I love him with every fiber of my being.
  7.   Learn a new type of artistic skill.
  8. Find ME again.

 

I look forward although slightly anxious about it to what 2016 has in store for me!

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