Things I Like…Adult Coloring Books

I love adult coloring books!!!!  They are ah-mazing!  I actually used to just print out pages on the internet, just kids stuff but coloring them was relaxing for me even then (not knowing what was going on inside my head) and I loved doing it.  During one of my insomnia nights over the summer, I saw a commercial for the Colorama set that was available in stores!  It kind of intrigued me but I forgot about it shortly after.  Fast forward a few weeks, I was at Books A Million and noticed more of these adult coloring books!  I was instantly hooked on the Day of the Dead Coloring Book by Thaneeya Mcardle and started on that one that night!  I had a nice set of colored pencils from an art set J had purchased me and got to work!  My first took a while to finish due to the non stop studying of my EMT class but I did and have done a few more since.  Here are a few of them:

The first one is the very first one I completed!

that one was a lot of fun to be my starting one!

These next 2 were done during the Super Bowl and while I had some downtime.

I had also done one with a skull and butterfly wings and gave that to A.  I am having a relaxing time doing them and suggest them to anyone!

 

Next up I tackle Creative Cats, a book I got from my sister for Christmas.  I think I’ll be taking that with me when I go on my much needed break away!

 

Currently I am using the following for most of my pictures in addition to my kit from J:

Prismacolor Colored Pencils:  These are soft core colored pencils and blend easily.  I have enjoyed how smooth they feel and how vibrant the colors are.  I only have the 24 pack now but plan on expanding.  I also purchased a sharpener from the same brand on Amazon.

Sharpie Ultra Fine Point Permanent Markers:  These are great for small, detailed work.  I also did the owl pic using these markers and they were great with popping colors and very easy to use.

 

 

 

Pros:

It is so much fun!

It is your choice on the colors….go wild!

Its relaxing, I’d recommend it for anyone

 

Cons:

Forgetting to go to bed since you’re up half the night coloring 😀

 

 

Get out there and go enjoy this theraputic and fun hobby!

 

 

The Story of US

So J and I are celebrating our 17th “Us” Anniversary on 2/5…where has the time gone?  I’m still crazy (in more than one sense ha ha) for him after all this time.  He’s that rare type of guy who takes his marriage vows seriously and doesn’t run when the going gets tough, because if that was the case he would’ve left a long time ago I’m sure.

 

We met initially when I was a freshman at the local community college studying music and he was a senior in high school.  I went to a meeting at the CYO Center with my friend M and apparently she was a mutual friend.  He was one of the few who approached me and held my hand during one of the discussions we were all having.  It felt comfortable and right but I didn’t realize then I was holding the hand of the man who would be my husband.  Something just felt so right about it.  I remember asking him if he’d like to join us for dinner after and he politely declined stating it was a school night for him and didn’t want to be in trouble with his folks.  I kept thinking of him while we were out at Newport Creamery after.

 

I didn’t go back to CYO for a while after that just due to timing but every now and again would think of him.  I guess I liked him!  I saw our mutual friend M while my friend A and I were out shopping at Victoria’s Secret and we were all discussing Valentine’s Day.  I told M I didn’t have a date and was looking for someone to go to a piano concert with as well (yes I was and still am a total music geek!) and stated how lonely I was since I hadn’t dated anyone seriously.  She told me about her friend J and that he was single and would pass my email on to him (this was a time before cell phones kids) and try to set us up!   I remember telling her I thought I knew him somehow!

 

At the time I was working on a supermarket as a cashier and had some weird creeper guy who would always come to my register and follow me around the store.  I get this email a day or 2 later from a user name called “Watcher” and thought somehow this weird creep had gotten my email so I just deleted it!  I called my friend and was upset I hadn’t heard from J yet and was a little frustrated so I got his email address from her.  I sent him a message and introduced myself and said I hadn’t heard from him.  He emailed me back and I noticed the subject line from “Watcher” was the one I had originally sent him!!  I emailed him back and explained the situation and how I deleted his emails.  Luckily he was understanding!!!

 

A few weeks by and we talked a lot via email.  Not owning a computer at the time made it tough but I’d stay at the computer lab at school just to be able to hear from him.  He told me he was heading a retreat at the CYO center on 2/5 and asked if I’d like to be on the team to help him out as well as our friend M.  I agreed to meet him and I remember he even sent me a poem before we met about how he was thinking about me all the time and had hoped I felt the same <3.

 

I was in the foyer of the CYO Center and telling M about the Rocky Horror Picture Show and dancing and singing when he walked in and saw me for the first time.  Glad I still hadn’t scared him away!!  We teamed the retreat and kept hanging more and more together as the evening progressed.

 

After the retreat we went out to Bickfords for dinner with M.  She was calling her boyfriend who lived in another state at the time and upset he couldn’t be with us.  J came over and sat next to me and put his arm around me and said “I’ve wanted to do this all night.”  I was enjoying the time with him when M came back upset and told J to take me home and left.  We hung around a little longer and headed out to the parking lot.  Out by his car I was talking with him because I was nervous about a relationship and had my heart broken about 7-8 months before.  J asked to be his girlfriend and wiped my tears away as I said I was afraid of being left and hurt again.  I told him I’d like to be his girlfriend and he leaned over and kissed me, I found out after that I was his first kiss.  And I know I’ll be his last kiss.

 

17 years, a few cats, a few places to live, an elopement and lunch at the Mew’s Tavern and many happy memories.  There are days where we annoy the living hell out of each other but when it comes down to it, I can’t spend my life with anyone else.  Happy (almost) 17 years J.  I love you with every piece of my mostly functional heart and my crazy soul.

What’s In My Bag?

I thought this would be a fun one to do.  I have pared down the contents of my purse apparently a lot but it’ll be a surprise either way 😉

 

Details on the bag:

Made by  Ixchel (links directly to their bags) and purchased at Tumbleweeds in Niantic, CT.  They are an awesome record and clothing store that also carries really cool bags and jewelry.

I have purchased another Ixchel bag there that is the handwoven dead kitty bag and gotten many compliments on it.  The other day I went out on my lunch break and I’m on one of my long celestial kicks lately (yes I know, I’m totally Stevie Nicks sometimes) this particular spoke to me and I had to have it.

Doesn’t this bag rock?!  It is sturdy made and has lots of room the inside which is perfect for me since I usually carry a lot!

 

So here is what I found in there today:

So starting from the upper left hand side:

–Cardiac Rehabilitation book from St. Francis Hospital in Hartford, CT.  I had open heart surgery there (a mitral valve repair) and they told me to always carry it just in case so I always have that.  Its kinda cool because it even has an EKG they took of me right after surgery!

–Sunglasses from Color Me Rad 5k that unfort I didn’t attend due to an upper resp infection but they were kind to send to me anyway.  I’ve worn them to several 5ks since then and they are great for color runs since they fit close to my eyes!

–Handbook for the Recently Deceased.  Its really a journal but I love it from the movie Beetlejuice and put this on my amazon wish list. J got it for me for Christmas and I love the fact he probably didn’t even question why I needed this.

–My Boba Fett wallet from FYE.  I love Star Wars and he’s one of my favorite characters.  I do have a Boba Fett bag I’ve recently carried but have to stitch up the lining so its currently retired until I have the drive to fix it.

–Ipsy Glam bag (the products were meh) from I think this summer.  It is FULL of quite a few packs of googly eyes.  I was inspired by Anne Wheaton to start that trend and it so fun.  I put them in odd places and wait to see people’s reactions!

–Pen from Saybrook Soup and Sandwich Co.  Not much to say but they have good food and A and I enjoyed a lunch there before!

–Blue glitter nail file.  This would’ve been good to find when I needed it instead of buying another one when I went to put some nail strips on.  *facepalm*

–An old pic of my cat George who we lost in 2012.  He was a rescue cat and one of the sweetest cats in the world.  My mom found it and gave it to me and I just about cried.

–Field Notes Book.  This was one of the gifts of the Eight Sensible Gifts of Hanukkah from Cards Against Humanity.  J and I have loved this game from the beginning and even have PAX expansion packs, the Bigger Blacker Box, the 90’s expansion pack and our BBB is signed by the creators of the game!

–Business Card from New London Ink (Bank St. New London, CT).  The wonderful artist Guy did my last tattoo (the one with the birds and “Breathe In… Breathe Out… Move On”) and I’d suggest him to anyone.  He also did A’s tattoo as well.  Tell him I sent you!

–Inhaler…um not to much to say about it but I take it before Zumba.  I had pneumonia in 2010 and it killed my lungs so sometimes I just need a little relief but thankfully its not too bad.

–Lotion from Rite Aid.  When you have tattoos you always need tons of unscented lotion.  I use this a lot and its one of the most reasonably priced ones and works great.

–Crab change purse.  I got this while I was in  Olde Mystic Village with my friend M and we had gone shopping.  If you want a real New England Experience, Mystic is a great place to go!  I think I got it at the shop “Penguins, Otters and Others”.  Inside I even have some little treasures!

(from the left)

The USB stick is from my EMT class and its everything I need to help me study for my test and was great for studying lectures prior to class and during downtime.

The turtle is a little “good luck turtle” from Mystic Aquarium.  They have one sea turtle there name Charlotte that has had a rough life but they have taken exceptional care of her and keep her safe and happy.  This reminds me of her and how she just keeps going!  If you’re interested there is a book about her called “Bubble Butt” out there that is a delightful kids book 🙂

My pretty pink heart quartz from A when she went away to one of her bff’s bachelorette weekend and she has one so we’re always together.   It means a lot to me.  I can’t picture her not in my life now and she’s part of my extremely close circle of trusted ones.

The cross pin is from my friend M.  It was her grandfathers collar pin when he was in the service.  I usually have it on my fire gear but needed to get a new backing for it because I was afraid of losing it!

 

 

So there you have it.  Any suggestions as to what I can add into my chaos?

Wildflowers

Somehow this speaks to me today.

Wildflowers by Tom Petty (I’m currently listening to Jimmy Buffett sing it)

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free.  Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you.  You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free.  Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and byYou belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free

 

 

Resolutions? Maybe just some changes I feel I need to make…

Happy 2016 Everyone!  I had a good ringing in of the new year with my hubby J and my bestie A.  Lots of food and tv watching, laughs and trying to stay up til midnight.  I know I nodded off watching Ab Fab around 1130pm but made it up for the ball drop.  BTW Jenny McCarthy, we get it.  You love Donny….don’t make out with him on live TV for hours please.  Anyhoo, A thought it would be nice to get tattoos for the New Year to signify things we would hold important to us this following year.  J got a cadecus done that was styled to also look Celtic (he’s Irish and an EMT) and it looks really cool!  Maybe I can get something small that’s similar when I get my cognitive test done :-).   A got the chemical symbol for Oxytocin, the chemical component for love…the guy (named Guy!) did a great job on it and I hope she knows who loves her!  I got a mash up of 2 songs I like…  Three Little Birds by Bob Marley (and no I didn’t want to seem stereotypical white girl) and Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on from Jimmy Buffett done together.  The Bob Marley song reminds me that “every little thing is gonna be alright” and “Breathe in, breathe out, move on” has become my mantra at work because it can be downright overwhelming.  I felt having that altogether on me would remind me no matter what things will be ok and I just gotta breathe and move on.  

This was just after it was taken so don’t mind the obnoxious red skin!

 

So here is my resolutions that I’m not calling resolutions so I won’t set myself up like I do every year:

1.  Take better care of me.  This means mentally and also physically.  I had lost a lot of weight in the past and gained quite a bit back and I want to be able to be as proud of myself as I was before and be able to run and move better since I do (even now) participate in 5k events and obstacle runs.  Plus I’d just like to feel better overall and more confident.  I’m also going to continue with my therapist who has been a huge help to me since I started seeing her.
2.   Stop letting myself be used.  I have been a doormat for years and that needs to stop.  It seems like when you’re just trying to be a good person or friend people start to really take advantage of that, and have no intention of returning a favor or being there for you when its your time.  I have narrowed down my circle of those I trust now with the help of my therapist because I know who is going to be there for me when the going gets tough.  I have had someone I called a friend attack myself and a best friend of mine who asked for a simple favor.  At this point even if she apologized it would never be the same and I can’t deal with that type of negativity!
3.   Travel more.  I have traveled a lot along the east cost of the US but would like to go further.
4.   Love more.  I feel like I am just constantly dumping on J and those closest to me the most.  Right now its so hard but I hope they know I love them and I appreciate them loving me despite the depression hitting its hardest.
5.   I will find an amazing job that will value me for my skills and treat me like I deserve to be treated!  This past year with the buy out and not getting hired has been rough on me.  I think its secretly a blessing in disguise though since I worked for the company that’s buying the one I currently worked for and I don’t think it would be good for me mental-health wise.  There were reasons I left and I needed to reminded of them once the reality hit in that I wasn’t going to be brought along.
6.   Have more time with J.  He gives up so much for me sometimes and loves me regardless how bad things get.  We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our marriage and I love him with every fiber of my being.
7.   Learn a new type of artistic skill.
8. Find ME again.

 

I look forward although slightly anxious about it to what 2016 has in store for me!

Another Christmas in the books…

I made it thru the holiday thankfully.  I didn’t get as emotional as I figured I would so I’m grateful for that.  I wish I had something profound to say regarding the holiday but I just don’t have it in me this year.  I look to the New Year with a lot of anxiety this year, not knowing what’s going on job-wise, but I’m trying to remain hopeful that better things are coming my way.  I’m sorry for sounding so down but its just me.  Anyone willing to just come hold my hand thru these times?

Take me back to Christmases Past

This past week I went to a memorial service for one of my mother’s best friends who passed away.  She was one of the nicest people I know, always had an infectious giggle and would get everyone in the room laughing until they were almost peeing their pants.  She used to take my sister and I to the pool at URI on Friday nights with her daughter to swim and one time nearly killed us deciding we needed to see a popular road in one town in RI that was referred to as “Christmas Tree Lane” because the residents tried to outdo each other with their light displays and this last minute decision resulted in a brief off-road experience that was a little scary but worth it regardless!

The service wrapped up at the Veteran’s Cemetery.  The one all my grandparents are buried in.  My grandpa passed away at the age of 52 from cirrhosis of the liver and I never got to meet him but from what I’ve heard he was a wonderful person.  My Memere and Pepere were not close to us but I still miss them.  I wish things had been different.  Ma wouldn’t allow much of a relationship with them, I’m not sure if it was because it was outside of her family and therefore her circle.

After the service we went back and went to both sets of grandparents graves.  Ma stayed in the car (her COPD limits her) and my Dad and I went to see my Memere and Pepere first, his parents.  He had a rough upbringing, not something he is willing to discuss even this day, especially with my Pepere (he was an alcoholic) but I could still see the pain in his eyes as we went to their graves.  I know he misses my Memere at least.  It was nice having a moment alone to collect our thoughts if anything.

Saying our goodbyes to Memere and Pepere we then went over to where my Grandpa and Gram are buried.  Gram has been gone since January 1989 but I remember our last Christmas together like it was yesterday.  I was 8 years old and Gram had been in the hospital.  She was coming to our home that day because she was being released.  I don’t know why she was even in there but she was sick a lot.  My Dad asked me to go out to the garage to get a few chairs since our home was always the central hub for Christmas.  When I walked out there, I saw a long piece of red fabric over by the chimney!  I ran in excited and showed my parents.  I’m so grateful they took the time to bring some magic into my life that Christmas (instead of the usual stuff that has put me now in therapy at the age of 35).  So Gram came over for Christmas dinner and I remember her telling me Santa had brought her a mug from the hospital while she was in there and that he was missing a piece of fabric from the back of his pants!   She passed away a little over a month after that.

Its obviously been quite a few Christmases since then but that one will always be the one that sticks out in my mind.  What I wouldn’t do to go back and live that experience with my Gram again.  While I stood at her grave I thought about that moment and in my mind I told her how much I love her still and miss her every day of my life.   I know even know she is smiling down on me, from the scent of her perfume that will linger around me at the strangest times especially when I feel most alone.

My first blog, because the site wouldn’t stop nagging me until I did so…

Ok like most everything else in my life lately, I’m nervous and I don’t know how to start this.  My name is Mel first off, married 13 years to a fantastic hubby although he can annoy the crap out of me!  Although I know dealing with me hasn’t been a walk in the park for him.  From meeting him, we have gone through diagnosis of PCOS (probably no kids), to needing open heart surgery for a mitral valve repair (def no kids), to dealing with depression that has been with me for apparently a long time.  Honestly I don’t know why  he sticks around sometimes.  I feel like of all the ones he could’ve picked he got the dud.  I’ve spent years having extreme self doubt, no confidence in myself and putting myself down.  I have had people use me to the point I’m just plain burned out and broken.

I grew up in a home with a mom who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  It was never formally diagnosed but in this case is classic text book.  Upon reading  “Will I Ever be Good Enough?  Healing daughters with Narcissistic Mothers” by Karyl McBride gave me a lot of info to be able to identify the problem and how to deal with it but to a point.  I have felt for years I’m never good enough and constantly have to try to go above and beyond.  I often let myself go because I’m so busy trying to be the good daughter apparently everyone else can see that I am.

 

I started seeing a therapist when hubs and I were first married because I was out of work and felt I was depressed but was just put on meds that made me a complete insomniac and didn’t do much of anything except make me numb.  I didn’t like that feeling.  Over this summer (of 2015), I got to the point I was crying before I even left work (a whole different blog someday) and continuing as I drove home and considering destructive behavior.  I didn’t feel like me anymore, just a worn-out shell of what I had once been.  I wear black pretty much all the time now because I feel like it forces people to not pay attention to me.  I was talking w/hubs (I’ll refer to him as J) and later my best friend (A) about it and decided once and for all to get help.  It took me a while to even find a therapist but I became extremely lucky.   I love my therapist and I’m so grateful I made that first step and lucky to have those in my love who love me enough to encourage me to get help.

 

This blog will be my sounding board for various issues.  Dealing with my depression, my vents/rants, funny stories, maybe a recipe or 2 (who knows) and my journey through life.  I hope you enjoy traveling down the road with me!